Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
