Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
