I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this just has baby written all over it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
