you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
