i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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