Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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