afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize