I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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