Need sex. Gaining weight.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
