May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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