I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
