We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
