I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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