she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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