i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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