I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
