What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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