just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
