Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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