im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
