Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
