How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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