I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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