you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she told me i tasted like america
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize