Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
