Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
