I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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