whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
