Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
