Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
