I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was born a porn star she said
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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