what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
