I am in a vortex of obligation.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
