me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
