I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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