How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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