Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
