And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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