I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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