dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
