and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
