It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
