We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
