Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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