Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
