Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
