I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
