My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I color on your dick again?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
