"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Two words: blizzard sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
