herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
