yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
