if you like me you must not know who I am
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship