He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."