so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.