how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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