Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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