Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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