shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
