Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
