Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
