there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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