tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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