this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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