New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
