His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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