Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
