ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
