i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
