god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize