Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
