I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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