I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
