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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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