is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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